I thought today was going to be a beautiful, stress-free day but in fact that it's all just stupid little dream.
Even though I was with him all night but my parents are still bitching me about it, that's why I've been so frustrated then.
Okay so here it goes, I went out with my boyfriend today without telling my parents who I go with and they kept calling me on my cellphone but i didn't pick up.
Well, I know as parents they were freaking out and at the end i had to tell them the truth.
And the truth is i lied because they wouldn't let me go with him because they don't like him just because he's different (you know, in religion) and that's why my parents thought that we're not meant to be.
I don't really wanna think about that point, but the one thing i still don't is that why did God let this man in to my life if He never wanted us to be together?
I think it's really mean and it's just point-less.
Why would He ever drew us together if we really have to say goodbye in the end?
I tell you i'm really not good in saying goodbye.
And we know that people should love and care for each other, now i'm doing it.
I'm loving and caring my boyfriend for good.
I chose him because I think he's the one and only person (in this case, from a stranger) who can love me with all he has and never really look down on me (mentally or physically).
I had a lot of experiences like having a crush on someone but they totally ditched me like dirt!
They're cute, smart and well, in this case have the same faith but they never really have an eye on me.
Every time I had a crush on someone, they just completely ditched me, like no kidding.
They always made a crack on me, especially physically because i did look like a total geek back then.
From that, I got the point that guys only like pretty and beautiful girls, not a geek looking girl like I was.
I started to change little by little but it still didn't make any effort in my love life situation.
Well, I was still in junior high back then but is it wrong to like someone and you just wanted to get to them but what did i got? TOTAL SELF-HUMILIATION
It was this guy, let's just say his name was "Ron".
He was cute, smart and kind of popular.
and I liked him.
It was just fine at first, then I started to get to him but he was such a 'child', he teased me rudely a lot.
I never really bothered about it because I just wanted to blend in, at least with his clique.
At first, he's the only one who teased me like that but then he brought some other friends to mocked me.
And the way they teased me is so damn rude, they were using lots of dirty words like they told me to do "BJ"
I was so effing upset because I can't believe I fell for this kind of guy.
And I never ever really had a crush on anyone ever since.
Well, actually there's a lot more back then but that one was the worst.
And that was the first time I ever cried over a guy.
Ironic, huh?
And then i got into senior high and i tried to gain my reputation.
Well, i didn't really think about boys, love or relationships until i made a friendster account and met this guy named 'Bart', for example.
He was very nice to me and I sort of into him back then.
He asked for my cellphone number then he text me every single day.
He was really caring until I sort of fall over him too fast and found myself lying on the floor (like when you fall in love with a person, they're not really there to catch you).
He dated other girl.
It was so embarrassing and kind of a let down (DUH!).
And I hate people who gives empty hopes and leave you there like trash!
Then he came back lately like a few months ago, such a turn off!
And then I met my boyfriend, Donny in sophomore.
There were actually no intense actions from him but he text me quite a lot and comments on Friendster.
He always makes me feel so precious and beautiful.
To tell you the truth, I never see myself as pretty, I don't know why would guys like me.
He's the only one that can make me feel like a real girl who wants to be loved.
I mean, seriously! every girl would want to be loved right?!
I always feel safe around him.
Even though he's jealous a lot but he never made it hard.
Well, maybe sometimes i'm the one who made it hard on myself.
And I think I have found a guy who can really treat me right.
Well, we're all imperfect human.
As a girl, I just want to find my true love and lived happily ever after like in the fairy tale books.
If possible, I really really really want to meet the one NOW!
That I really want is love, that's all!
I mean, my boyfriend can feed my heart in balance.
If I should leave him because my parents wanted to, I'm not ready!
He's not cute, not smart or whatever but he knows how to treat me well.
I know he did hurt me once but now he comes back to change everything.
And now I know that he is my first love.
The one that I might should leave someday.
I'm just scared that someday he'd never be mine anymore, even though i prayed for someone better for him.
I know I will hurt myself by saying that someday, but it's better for me then to see anyone hurt because of me.
I just want to make sure that he wouldn't be hurt if we really have to break up again.
All i want is to be with him right now!
I feel really safe in his arms and i never wanna let go.
I told him last night while we were cuddling to each other that i wanted to stay like this forever.
I never wanted that moment to ever end.
And these questions are running around in my head.
What if I'm never gonna find another love like that ever again?
What if no one will ever love me like that again?
Sometimes i wished he never came into my life and took my heart so that nothing like this would ever happen.
The kind of love i want is a beautiful sweet love with the one who make me smile every single day.
Once again, I just want to be loved and feel precious in someone's eyes.
I wanna say I'm sorry to everyone that I've hurt, I never wanted to hurt them, I just want to find something.
And I'm really sorry to my parents for everything I did.
I know i'm wrong.
I just feel so alone.
I have no one to turn to.
I don't wanna tell this to my parents because they always get mad at me.
And to my love, Donny.
You are a great guy, seriously!
And I love you so much, i don't ever want to love another.
Because for me, you're my one and only.
And I prayed to God that you will find someone way even better than me.
The one that can love you and accept you for who you are, for what you have.
I just want to spend these time that's left with you, before we really have to say goodbye.
I love you with all my heart and thank you so much for your sweet love.
