Lirih

This is one of the best masterpiece from Indonesia's music maestro, the late Raden Chrismansyah Rahadi or as we have also know as Chrisye. My absolute favorite song, it is called "Lirih". From what I have heard, the song mostly tells about someone who was hoping to be back with the one they love, but the circumstance has changed and there's no hope for them to be together. This is the situation that I have been going through and the song really reflects my life phase at the moment.

"Lirih" by Alm. Chrisye

Kini t'lah kusadari, dirimu t'lah jauh dari sisi

Kutahu tak mungkin kembali kuraih, semua hanya mimpi

Ingin kucoba lagi, mengulang yang telah terjadi

Tetapi semua sudah tak berarti, kau telah pergi

Adakah kau mengerti kasih, rindu hati ini tanpa kau disisi

Mungkinkah kau percaya kasih, bahwa diri ini ingin memiliki lagi

Kusadari kembali, ternyata semua khayal diri

Kini kutahu tak mungkin ada waktu untuk mencintaimu lagi

Adakah kau mengerti kasih, rindu hati ini tanpa kau disisi

Mungkinkah kau percaya kasih, bahwa diri ini ingin memiliki lagi

Adakah kau mengerti kasih, rindu hati ini tanpa kau disisi

Mungkinkah kau percaya kasih, bahwa diri ini ingin memiliki lagi...

Once when you were mine...

You were always there for me.

You were mine entirely.

I had your body and your soul.

I had your tears and your smile.

I had your heart and your mind.

I could have them and keep it all just for me.

Yo gave me everything I've ever dreamed of.

You gave me your shoulder to lay my head when my life's caving in.

You held me warm when my world turns cold.

You listened to everything I said.

I was prettiest girl for you.

You stayed up with me when I cried.

You fixed me up when I was shattered and scared.

You made me laugh when I didn't even want to smile.

You were there to listen.

You read my fear.

You knew exactly what to do and say.

You knew when I needed you the most.

And now that I have left...

I can't ask you to be there for me anymore.

I can't kick those bitches' ass for trying to get to you.

I can't tell you how I really feel about what you have said.

I can't tell you how much my love still grow for you.

I can't call you in the middle of the night just to hear me cry.

I cannot hold you like I always do before.

I can only dream about you.

I can only think of you in my sleepless nights.

I unconsciously think about you everyday.

Nobody tells me I'm beautiful.

I feel so ugly.

Starting College: Orientations

August 2010, I'm starting college. I finally go to my dream campus. The best and the top university in our country, University of Indonesia. One of the best university in the world.

I started on August 1, 2010. The activities are mostly choirs, assignments and orientations.

The department gave the freshman tons of assignments and tasks due to the university and faculties orientation program.

We have to write essays about cultures, some project proposal and presentations. Some briefings and meeting with the faculty were also included. I'm going to study the French Language and Literature.

I've worked so hard to get in and I won't waste a bit of this. Now, I'm kind of scared of the orientation next week. I'm not mentally trained for doing this with whole new different people from different cultures and background, but I sure know they've got major brains.

Were going to have the orientation for about a week (or around 6 days). The university orientation program will be held on August 18-19, 2010 and the orientation from the faculty is after the university orientation, continue with the department orientation right after the faculty.

It will be an orientation week. The schedule is all set and ready to roll. There will be a lot of activities, talk shows and other educational activities that will help us go through college life.

Hopefully, there will be no weird things happen during the programs.

I'll tell you all about it at the end of the month.

MY WISH LIST: August 2010

1. Miu Miu bag

2. Yves Saint Laurent Iconic Arty Oval Ring in Coral

3. M.A.C. lipstick in Angel

4. Le Vernis Chanel Nail Colour in 527 Nouvelle Vague

5. Chanel No. 5

When?

When will I stop? When will I regret being with you? When will the feeling stop growing? When will I learn and carry on?

When will I stop longing for you? When will I stop thinking about you? When will I stop loving you so much?

When will I grow up and leave everything behind? When will I forget about everything? When will this pain end?

When will I stop crying for you? When will I stop being sure that you still love me? Because I don't think you still do...

When will I realize that nothing would ever get better? When will I know for sure that we're not meant to be?

When will this tears stop falling? When will I stop being so stupid? When will I stop remembering?

When will start to forget? When will I stop caring?

When will I stop waiting?

When?

Because honestly...

I'm so tired of my own effort. Trying to convince myself that you still care.

I'm tired of being happy, but I'm not.

I'm tired of hearing what you say about other girls.

I know I wanted you to find a better person.

That loves you more than I do.

The one who misses you dearer.

That will think of you even in her sleep.

But it still hurts anyway.

I wish you would know that, but I don't want you to know.

I wish you would know how I really feel inside.

It's useless anyway.