Changes

I guess I am scared.

I am scared of changes.

Changes that might make me even vulnerable. I am scared that you might change. Changes that make you don't love me as much as now. I am scared that I might not be able to handle it. Eventhough that is not necessarily happen, but I feel like I am already flooded with fear. The fear of not being strong enough to face the changes. I am only trying to put myself in his shoes. I am trying my best now to understand any circumstances that he is or might go through. I am pushing myself to be more gentle. Because, believe it or not, I feel that he is getting weak and vulnerable, even more than I am right now. I feel like I hve to protect him. I feel like I have to take all the blame. I would take all the blame. I do not want him to get hurt, by me or anybody. I do not mind at all.

Turns out, I make a promise to myself to promise him that;

I only want him to be happy. I want to keep him calm. I want to flood him with love. I want to always be there when he needed me. I want him to know that I am always here. I want to be the reason of every smile on his face. I want to be his comfort. I want to be the bliss in his rough days.

I will not be mad at him, no matter what he did or might do to me. I will not make him sad. I will not make him mad. I will give him everything I have. I will try my best to be what he wants. I only want to see him always happy.

If things change, I will be strong. I will handle things good. I will not be sad. I will not be angry. I will hold him through. I will warm his heart. I will sooth his pain.

But...
Before that all happen, can I please have some time alone and somewhere to hide?