Oh what a life...

A month or so, if I may say

Quite hard, but this is it

Nothing will ever get better

It gets hard each day

I get stronger each day, but...

I am a human, I get hopeless every once in a while

I sometimes lost in my own thoughts, most of them are sad

I end up being sad every single night

"I love you" just sounds meaningless right now

The only words that's left is "I miss you"

I keep telling everyone that I'm missing him, but it ended up hurting everybody

I keep telling myself that it's no way, but it ended up getting things even painful

Sometimes, I have this feeling...

A feeling that makes me want to disappear and come back again when everything get easy

A feeling of being so vulnerable

A feeling of hiding

I thought the past would just pass by, but I was wrong

I am living in my past right now and I'm wishing that my past could turn into my present

Or maybe even my future

I just hate how things going on right now, I don't feel lucky at all

I feel so alone

Even I'm in the crowd, I still feel shattered

I'm water

He's water

We came from two different containers

Water meet water

They blend

We blend

Something separate us in another 2 containers

I still have him in me

He has me in him

Hurts

It still hurts

I asked God

Why did He let us meet if He wouldn't let us be together?

How could He let us fell in love?

I still don't understand why

I'm trying to understand

People told me to ask God for my true one, but...

I have no vision of the one

I don't want to...

I want him...

I got tangled up

I keep thinking about what was it like back then

I miss everything

I want to go back

I wish I could go back, but...

There's no way back

I can't find it

Someone erased it

All that it's left is me

Here

Alone

He used to be there when everything started to fell apart

He was there to put the pieces back

He was there to tell everything will be okay

He was there to hear me

And now, I have pushed him away...

Away...

I miss looking at you

I miss touching you

I miss listening to your voice

Your heartbeat

Your breath

The sound of your steps

I miss how you told me that I'm beautiful

I don't feel beautiful ever since, at all

I feel so ugly

I feel horrible

There's nobody telling me I'm okay

I'm hopeless

Nothing...

Nothing more I can do

I only cry

I only curse

I only sit

I only stand

I only sleep restlessly

I tried...

I tried to be happy

I tried to be good

I tried to eat my sadness away, but...

It's eating me alive

I feel so far away from everything

I feel so far behind

I feel left out

There's still a fear

A fear of being alone

A fear of cannot survive

A fear of being rejected

A fear of being hurt

A fear of not being able to run away

A fear of being stuck, while everyone else is moving on

A fear of being replaced

I really need one more day with you

I acted sarcastic

I feel no love

I feel nothing