Source: tumblr.com
Anna Karina as Angela in "Une Femme est Une Femme" (1961)
Jumat, 10 September 2010
Je suis trés fatiguée
Frankly, I haven't been sincerely happy ever since I knew you and I should let go. I've been putting on a fake smile and insincere laughter. I think I'm good at acting. I've been acting like I'm happy and I pretend to be strong. I blink away my tears every time I feel like I'm going to cry.
I hold my chin up, even though I just wanted to fall down and cry on my knees.
I don't mean to whine or what so ever, but sometimes I couldn't hide it.
I feel like I'm being possessed by this despairing sorrow.
I hold my chin up, even though I just wanted to fall down and cry on my knees.
I don't mean to whine or what so ever, but sometimes I couldn't hide it.
I feel like I'm being possessed by this despairing sorrow.
I am very tired.
"Tears make women beautiful."
"Nothing is more beautiful than a woman with tears..."
- Anna Karina, Une Femme est Une Femme (1961)
Attachment
It's been quite a while since we last met. I miss you quite terribly ever since. I really miss how you hold me, while you whispered the sweet words in my ear. I miss how you used to flattered my hair. I've been thinking of something that I feel since we first broke up last year. I think we have something that tied us up until now. I think we have something connected inside each of us.
Something that brought us together, in which ever way.
I keep thinking about every little possibility that might not just be a coincidence, but I don't want to hope or expect any higher. It might drop me off the ground and I don't want to get hurt anymore.
Sometimes, I wish you would want to be the "same" as me, so that we could be together. But I know that sounds too egoistic.
This time we have this issue about harmony is religious diversity. And I think we could another concrete example of unity in diversity. I just want us ti be together so bad.
Sometimes, I can't stand myself not being with you anymore. Maybe it's kind of exaggerating, but much less it is how I feel.
I can't fight nature.
"I think our souls are connected, that what makes it hurts to let go..."
I really want to be with you right now. I need somebody to hold onto.
I'm almost drowned into the mud of my own despair.
I fear that someday, you will forget me. I'm scared that one day, I will be replaced and forgotten.
You wouldn't miss me or think of me when you're awake at night, just like I always do.
I'm afraid that I will never have somebody to hope for anymore.
I don't think I have any sober things to say to you, I only have these pointless poetic phrases that might describe how I actually feel until now.
Something that brought us together, in which ever way.
I keep thinking about every little possibility that might not just be a coincidence, but I don't want to hope or expect any higher. It might drop me off the ground and I don't want to get hurt anymore.
Sometimes, I wish you would want to be the "same" as me, so that we could be together. But I know that sounds too egoistic.
This time we have this issue about harmony is religious diversity. And I think we could another concrete example of unity in diversity. I just want us ti be together so bad.
Sometimes, I can't stand myself not being with you anymore. Maybe it's kind of exaggerating, but much less it is how I feel.
I can't fight nature.
"I think our souls are connected, that what makes it hurts to let go..."
I really want to be with you right now. I need somebody to hold onto.
I'm almost drowned into the mud of my own despair.
I fear that someday, you will forget me. I'm scared that one day, I will be replaced and forgotten.
You wouldn't miss me or think of me when you're awake at night, just like I always do.
I'm afraid that I will never have somebody to hope for anymore.
I don't think I have any sober things to say to you, I only have these pointless poetic phrases that might describe how I actually feel until now.
Kamis, 09 September 2010
Rabu, 08 September 2010
The 9th of September
I just want to remember every little details of how we used to be.
Just for today.
I love how you gave me my first kiss.
I love how you always reminded me to eat.
I love how you swished your nose against mine.
I love how blow my ears.
I love how you smell my hair.
I love how you pop your knuckles.
I love how you loved what I cooked for you.
I love how you call me “baby”.
I love how I always asked for a hug and you gave me big, warm ones.
I love how you kiss me.
I love how you say cute, cuddly things.
I love it when we cuddle on your couch.
I love your panda eyes.
I love your fat tummy.
I love how you sing me a birthday song for me.
I love how we used to play thumb wrestling.
I love how you still there for me.
I love the fact that you still love me.
I love you.
I miss you.
Just for today.
I love how you gave me my first kiss.
I love how you always reminded me to eat.
I love how you swished your nose against mine.
I love how blow my ears.
I love how you smell my hair.
I love how you pop your knuckles.
I love how you loved what I cooked for you.
I love how you call me “baby”.
I love how I always asked for a hug and you gave me big, warm ones.
I love how you kiss me.
I love how you say cute, cuddly things.
I love it when we cuddle on your couch.
I love your panda eyes.
I love your fat tummy.
I love how you sing me a birthday song for me.
I love how we used to play thumb wrestling.
I love how you still there for me.
I love the fact that you still love me.
I love you.
I miss you.
Selasa, 07 September 2010
Starting College Part 2: Becoming "One" of Them
I'm starting college, like officially. It's been a week now and I kind of like it. I love all the subjects and studies. I love how I am being teach by professionals and I like my new environment, friends and the communities. I have loads of things to do and accomplished from the seniors and of course, the faculty where I study. And the exposure, to be 'one' of them.
Well, 'one' of them, yes. I don't recall that negatively, but it's quite an effort adapting as a different person. I'm trying to change how I speak, think, see and feel. I try to act smarter and more individualistic. I'm building my mind and thoughts so it could become more critical. I think this is the intellectual way of saying that I'M SCARED.
Sometimes, I'm afraid that I'd sound or seem stupid in front of them. I don't want to feel embarrassed anymore, I think I've had enough of it. I just shut myself up if I have nothing qualified to say, or there's nothing smart that would came out of me. In other words, I am silently drowning myself in a mud of intellectuality. I want to be one of them. I want to sound as smart as them. I want to work as hard as them. I don't want to be left out and behind, like I was.
Well, 'one' of them, yes. I don't recall that negatively, but it's quite an effort adapting as a different person. I'm trying to change how I speak, think, see and feel. I try to act smarter and more individualistic. I'm building my mind and thoughts so it could become more critical. I think this is the intellectual way of saying that I'M SCARED.
Sometimes, I'm afraid that I'd sound or seem stupid in front of them. I don't want to feel embarrassed anymore, I think I've had enough of it. I just shut myself up if I have nothing qualified to say, or there's nothing smart that would came out of me. In other words, I am silently drowning myself in a mud of intellectuality. I want to be one of them. I want to sound as smart as them. I want to work as hard as them. I don't want to be left out and behind, like I was.
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