I never knew this kind of sign would happened. I feel it in the last 3 days this week and it just happened today. This sign which really make me think that there's no more hope. There's no way anything could be better. Nothing will ever happen anymore.
Earlier today, I was at the movie with my friends when suddenly I had a mention on Twitter from him. He said that he lost the anklets that I made for him 2 years ago. I was kind of accepted it with a really heavy heart. I tried to cheer myself up with not thinking about it, but it just keeps coming in my mind. I've been thinking that this is a sign. A sign for me and him to forget each other and move on. I'm thinking that there's nothing left of me with him. Nothing. Not even one.
I'm wondering if he tried to find it or not. I'm thinking that he might forget about it. He had me with him, but now I am nowhere to be found.
After he mentioned me, I didn't know what to say. I didn't reply him. I just want to let it go and think that this is a sign. He contacted me then, I replied. I asked how could he lost it and I said that's okay. He said he still had it when he was out and found nothing tangled around his leg when he got home. He said the anklets was already attached to him ever since I made it for him. He said he's sad that he lost it. I tried to let it go and talked about other thing. I couldn't help myself, I said I miss him and he said he missed me too. He said it with my full name on the text. I don't know what else I can do, except stop waiting for everything. I just want to stay. I don't ever want to hope for anything. I don't think I'll ever get over him, in any ways. I'll be missing everything, everyday. I felt really bad last night though. It turned out that he lost it somewhere.
I blame myself for everything. I couldn't blame him though. It is never his fault. I'm sad because of my own thoughts.
I confess that I still wait for him sometimes. I've waited for him to say "Hi" everyday, but sometimes he didn't. I made myself sad with my stupid stubbornness. I torture my heart with my stupid wishes. I really have nothing else to do or say about it.
I've been feeling so devastated lately. I hit myself sometimes. I cry myself to sleep every night. I feel so alone. I don't feel as pretty as I used to feel.
Last night, I had a tantrum because of such a little thing. I cried painfully and hit my chest really hard.
I was so mad at everything, so I decided to blame myself. I have nobody or nothing to give my anger away. I couldn't scream. I couldn't fight. I'm hopeless. I don't want anybody to know.
I feel so pathetic. I have nobody to turn to because I know my friends would be sick of hearing this over and over again. I couldn't tell him because why should I told him?
All I know now is I have to let things go the way they suppose to go. I have to sit still and expect nothing.
I've let my expectations flew way too high brought me down and hit the ground. I feel like my heart had lied to me. It lied to me. It's like a false hope. It gives me nothing more to dream about because it is too painful to dream.
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